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| http://n8leeindaplace2b.blogspot.com/
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Would
someone tell me why a good and glorious God would give an ignorant guy like me
free will?
See,
I can be still and know that He is, but in
spite of the grace he gives and the fact that I’m still His,
I
haven’t changed the way I live.
Father,
forgive me. Because the truth is that I am ruthlessly abusive to freedom that
you give.
And
I wonder why you continue to bless me when I can never give the best of me,
I
get restless with your destiny because it doesn’t fit what I see best for me
And
I can never rest because I constantly wrestle with the tests you set for me and
I get fed up because they’re gonna be the death of me.
So
God, why? Why do I have the power to choose when all I do is use, use, use; all
I have is greed, greed, greed; everything I do is for me, me, me?
You
call me to be constantly and consistently caught up in the covenant that keeps
us both faithful.
But
while you have been there, I’ve been ungrateful.
And
due to my pride, instead of being madly in love, I’m merely obliged.
Forgive
me father, for I can’t keep my side.
And
if I could walk up to heaven, if I could do this tonight,
I
really hope I’d say these words, just to get things right.
Because
I can wash his feet, and his head be anointed. But what words do I say to a God
disappointed?
I’d
say this:
“Heavenly
Father, you see everything I do. And I know I’ll be accountable for everything
I choose.
And
Lord I’ve made a mockery of all you’re standing for. And God please break it
to me now, if you don’t want me anymore.
Because
I’m sorry it’s so easy to proclaim my love to you, and then to do just what I
want, as if I had paid my dues.
Heavenly
Father, I know inside you’re so upset. I cheat on you so many times, my heart
weighs with regret.
Still
I always fall on sinful ways, I know you shake your head. Father God please
show me grace, and I’ll never sin again.
Lord
just make me new this time and I’ll never be the same. I don’t want to
recognize myself, I’ll even change my name.
Sap
my strength and make me weak, so then, God, you’ll be strong. Touch my lips
with burning coals, so I can sing your songs.
Jesus
take my heart this time, let nothing stand the way, of me and my salvation, between
me and heavens gates.
God please
take me as your child, this whole masquerade is through. Judgment day is sure
to come, and I can’t compromise with you.
Jesus,
it’s not worth it now—the drinking, the partying, the swearing, the money, the popularity,
the girls.
I’m
sorry that I’ve sold my soul for the pleasures of the world.
Now
I’ll give it all up, so you can hear the truth: God, nothing’s as important as
being desperate for you.”
And
God on High, he would rise from his throne. He’d tell the elders to leave, and the
seraphs to go.
Next
thing I know, I’d be next to the One, he’d open his mouth and say, “My dear
son,
I
don’t remember any of that; you must have had a dream. You claim to be so
sinful, but Nate, to me, you’re clean.”
And
then I would step back a bit, so incredibly in love.
Because
the Creator of the Universe, he’d ask me for a hug.
I’d
stand there for a second, not really knowing what to do.
But
God waited with his arms stretched out, and I knew I’d have to choose.
I
could forsake everything I’d ever known and then run into his arms, or fall
away into my world, so full of all its charm.
And
me, I’d pick the former choice, and I’m sticking to it still,
And
that’s why God Almighty has given me free will. | | |
| it's been so long. i missed you, xanga.
SO MUCH has happened since my last entry. one thing ive learned from my two months at berkeley: midterms suck.
BUT!
in the midst of everything--all the struggles not only from school but also some serious trials in my personal life--God is faithful. God has been so good to me this year. senior year of high school was marred with doubt, hypocrisy, second-guessing, etc. but this year God has been so faithful, he has been teaching me about the power of prayer--he answers, he's faithful. God's been teaching me about how insignificant my will is, how he sees the whole picture and i need to learn how to TRUST him.
2 verses that have been big recently:
consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. james 1:2-4
be joyful ALWAYS; pray CONTINUALLY; give thanks IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 thessalonians 5:16-17
word son. be blessed.
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| what is greek week? good question!
well, christians in high schools all over the bay area wore bright green t-shirts that said "he frees" in greek letters. curious people noticed our flourescent-ness and asked us "nate, what does your shirt say?" to which i would reply "he frees," and to which they would say, "huh?!" to which i would repeat, "he frees!" to which they would ask, "he freeze?" or "heat freeze?" to which i would say, "no. he...frees" to which they would ask, "who?" to which i would say "Jesus," to which most would say, "nate, youre gay" or "oh ok" and then walk away. but whatev. im glad i was able to be a part of it.
we wore the shirts for one week through. and then there was a rally on friday, where i read this poem:
An Ode to the Greek Week T-shirt
Greek Week T-shirt
You are 100% cotton.
You are green.
You are blue.
You are made in Honduras, yes it’s true.
I’ve been wearing this the whole week long
And if you think that it’s clean, then you're probably wrong.
And all along, I act like I care about this t-shirt but in fact
The only thing I care about is if I have green sneakers to match. (i borrowed russell's green shoes)
But I'm here to convince you that
This t-shirt is more than just a t-shirt, it’s great.
I've realized, like you probably have, that this t-shirt lets me be fake.
Make no mistake, I try, but I actually wear this shirt to cover what’s really inside.
I writhe with the rites of Jesus Christ but fight to set sights on eternal life.
Don’t you understand? I am not a Christian because Christian means “Christ-like.”
I look at my life.
I am not like Christ, my sights find guide by the light of a worldly formation,
Temporary too-short sensation, sexual temptation, spiritual litigation negated for the sake of my reputation;
My spiritual emaciation and rationalization outweighs patience and dedication.
My elation comes from the world, nothing more.
Do you think I can afford to decline the cries of Christ knocking at the door of my core I’ve bore the Lord too long to be poor—
Jesus I love you, but I love myself more.
Lord, I don’t even know what I'm fighting for anymore.
I'm at war with a world wretched with spiritual poverty;
I long for learning but find it nowhere because the church is convicted of robbery, sodomy, spiritual split-minded dichotomy,
God can see we’re worthless when panned out.
And spiritual students who stand strong sadly stand out because that’s not what society’s about.
So without a doubt, I wear this t-shirt to cover the real me.
I honestly don’t feel very free when I give into sin and when the whims of the world are fulfilling me
I willingly sell my soul for gold refined in hellfire.
I might as well retire from this profession of being a Christian
Cuz Christ is so distant and my spiritual vision is blurred because of my indecision.
Do I want God or my riches?
Do I want God or would I rather get drunk?
Do I want God or my popularity?
Do I want God or a one night stand?
God is not mocked and man, I’ll be damned if this Greek Week rally’s a one night stand.
Because relationship with Christ takes commitment and he didn’t die
So I could fit him into a little corner of my life.
It’s sad because we place the world before God’s divinity
He looks down on us and says, “Guys, are you kidding me?”
“Cuz I watched my son die for you”
And I cry for you because even though your pension is paid
You still have the guts to fall asleep when you pray.
And he didn’t die so you could wear this t-shirt.
He didn’t die so you could wear this 100% cotton, green, made in Honduras t-shirt.
So don’t be hurt when I tell you,
You're not fooling anyone…
Anyone that matters.
I hope you're not here because you want to show your face to let everyone know that you believe in Jesus,
But wear this to show others your weakness.
When you're a failure, a sinner, a hypocrite, a curse,
When tear filled eyes are your only reply to the trials and lies you die to on this earth,
Try to be what you're really worth, because he sees you as precious.
And if you don’t see him the same way then you're missing the message.
And if God is not first then I don’t think you get it
If God is not first then I don’t think you get it.
Blessed are those who have confessed that they are unrighteous.
I am unrighteous and I fight this with an objective of peace,
Don’t you see, I cannot give up on Jesus
I cannot give up on Jesus
I cannot give up on Jesus
So Jesus please don’t give up on me.
But thank God, thank God, thank God he frees.
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| Greek Week Intercity Youth Rally
Sunset Church (Lawton St. between 42nd and 43rd)
Friday, April 27th
7-9:30pm
"He Frees"
I'll be doing a poem!
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